I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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