PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
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someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
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He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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