i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
they need to just BURY HIM!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
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he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
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yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
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