Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize