just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
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