I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize