i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
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I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
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Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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