Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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