Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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