Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
