Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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