Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
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When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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