Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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