do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize