His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize