you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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