I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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