i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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