you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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