Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
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i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
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And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize