I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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