highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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