I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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