New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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