I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
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Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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