i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
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found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
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You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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