i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
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I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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