So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize