i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
