I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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