From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
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im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
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And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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