I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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