i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think my moral compass just broke
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize