Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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