his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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