I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
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About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
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Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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