they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize