Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize