Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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