Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
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apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
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I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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