i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
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the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
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I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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