Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
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As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
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I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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