my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
two words: eviction party
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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