To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
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Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
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Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
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