I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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