Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
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Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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