so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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