last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
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I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
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Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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