I heard we made out
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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