I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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